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what is jealousy

what is jealousy

what is jealousy, The jealousy in love is the most common disorder among couples , ranking second among the difficulties marital. This lively emotion is the source of several conflicts . While she may look cute in some cases, in others, she can put love and relationships at risk.

what is jealousy, The pathological jealousy lasts several years and is often accompanied by violence. The jealous person even experiences excitement when he experiences jealousy. This feeling gives him the impression of living, even if after strong expressions of jealousy , he feels bad, guilty and regrets.

Jealousy is rarely present in the beginning of a relationship since the merger in the couple leaves little room for doubt. We love each other, eye to eye, it is for life and the identity of the couple is at this time even stronger than the identity of the two separate individuals. But the routine sets in and everyone takes their place, generating a normal distance which can create insecurity in one or the other of the spouses. "How can she (he) live without me? Why can he (she) have so much fun? I don't want to lose it and yet I feel that it is coming off ...

Amorous jealousy: the causes 

         Lack of childhood : some psychoanalysts say that jealousy comes from childhood, from a lack of attention given by one or the other of the parents. It would also be the consequence of a lack of self-confidence and insecurity. We fear not having the qualities expected in the other, not being up to it, not being kind enough, we question our ability to seduce..

         Unfaithfulness : there would also be jealous people who are so by projection, because they are themselves unfaithful. One thing is certain, when you are jealous, you are afraid, to a degree that differs from one person to another, of being robbed of your loved one. Paradoxically, the jealous often chooses ravishing and even seductive people.

         Panic and abandonment : for men, jealousy is expressed more by a fear of losing their power , the panic fear that someone else will touch their wife. For the woman, it is the fear of being abandoned that prevails and the fear that her partner does not like her for what she is. It expresses the feeling of love more than a man, but there is no more feminine jealousy than masculine.

   The solutions For the jealous 

         Accept the problem : the first thing you have to do is realize that you have a problem and look for the cause in yourself, not make the loved one take sole responsibility for it. which often occurs. "Do I think the rival person is better than me?" In what? How do I feel in this or that situation? Why am I so jealous? What really bothers me?

         Discuss : then, a calm discussion with your spouse is essential. Share your real feelings, your ailments, your discomforts. By being aware of it, he (she) can help you walk.

         Consult : it is important to seek therapeutic support . A psychologist will help you see more clearly in these emotions that govern your life and that of your spouse and will give you the means, not to no longer feel them, but at the very least to manage them better. You can decide to go alone or as a couple, but in this case, it is suggested not to choose a therapist of the opposite sex from that of your spouse, which could reinforce the feeling of jealousy.

         Take care : find passions, activities, strengths to channel your attention and your emotions elsewhere than in the life of your spouse. He (she) needs freedom. Remember that love is also about leaving the other person free to make his own choices. It's up to you to assess whether his lifestyle is right for you. If not, make the necessary decisions. Not being jealous is a mark of trust in others and not of indifference.

         Stop your images:try to stop your mental images, slow down your imagination which creates scenarios which often do not occur. Do you imagine your lover in the arms of another, while he / she works late at night to make ends meet? Do you rummage through her things to find emails, traces of lipstick, clues that prove you're right to be afraid? You follow him, you question him, harass him? ... ........

Stop! It gives absolutely nothing! If he (she) has to deceive you, he (she) will do it anyway, no matter how he dresses, the people he (she) meets, the number of hours he (she) work. At worst, your constant doubt, your reproaches will push him to find in the arms of someone other a little understanding and comfort. 
     Human beings do not like being imprisoned. Everyone has the right to their secret garden. You don't need to know everything: who he / she calls, where he / she was, with whom, how long ...

         Regain confidence : keep in mind that what you train with the other is unique and that you have your qualities, qualities that are worthwhile. If it is not to share it with this person you care so much, it will be for another.

   For the jealous victim

         Reassure the jealous person : if you are the victim of jealousy, you can have the reflex to act to reduce the manifestations of your spouse by avoiding provoking by seduction. You can reassure your jealous partner, while avoiding answering their harassing questions. If he / she feels you solid, that he / she feels that you do not respond to his harassment, he / she will feel that he / she is quietly losing power. Stay yourself and above all do not feel guilty! Jealous people are skilled at making others guilty.

         Stay yourself : avoid falling into his trap and closing in on yourself by answering his every request, avoiding going out with friends, for example, or with people in the office because that worries him. It would be to prove him right.

         Have projects in common : build a project for two, who value you each in your action plan, but together in the production of what you have decided. It strengthens the bond of trust, solidarity and complicity.

         Realize yourself as a person : this reflex will help you detach from the negative messages that your jealous spouse can send you to devalue yourself and make you believe that you no longer have the power of seduction. It cannot reach you where you are well. Cultivate a passion, value yourself in your personal and professional skills, far from it. Make yourself guilty if you do a pleasant activity without him. You count as much as he does and he must know it firmly.

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